[Fr0z3n]

2004-11-27T14:14:00.000+08:00

testt..

2004-11-25T03:19:00.000+08:00

Feeling so tired..
So drained.

I want a laptop. ))=
I can't stand my computer anymore.
No memory. Drive can't read CDs. Lag. Full with Virus.
Tskk.
Laptop!!!

Finally finally.
I managed to get my own domain. But the computer is so lag that I couldn't do anything. Argh. This is SO irritating.
I want a laptop!!!

Now I'm going jealous of the Juniors.
Tablet PCs. Oh freak.
Tskk. Stupid Crescent..

0323 hours now. Yet, I just couldn't get into sleep.
Worrying about CIP later. Worrying about getting a laptop. Worrying about formating this stupid computer. Worrying about just everything.
Argh. I wish time to pass as fast as it could. I wish I finished my Os already. I wish I'm working now. I wish that I'm in Poly already.
I need money. I need money to buy a new phone. To buy my Zen Micro. To buy a simple laptop. I want to work!!
Just can't stand the fact that I'm so imperfect. Can't stand the fact that my life is SO imperfect.
I want to be perfect. I need to be perfect! I'm a deadly stupid perfectionist. I'm too piss off with myself not able to be perfect. Tskk!

Argh. Forget it.
I'm definitely not in the mood to do anything now. Yes, I mean anything.
I can't sleep. I can't blog. I can't get templates.
Tskk. I'm useless.

Tell me something that I could do now!?
Nothing. Just nothing. Tskk.

Nevermind. Shall just end the post with another lyrics. ((=

Sweetest Goodbye^{Maroon 5}

Where you are seems to
far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comebackI have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

Enjoyying..((=

Being able to love without complaint.
It's also a happiness..

((=

2004-11-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

Meeting was alright..
Planned something around. Wednesday and Thursday still got meetings. Then next Tuesday. Last meeting. ((=

Had loved.
And loved enough.
For once, I'm gone..

Love.
Wonder what it is.
Something sweet. Sour. Bitter. Spicy.
Oh well. I got no right to judge it. Haven't experience it before.

Don't know what to say.
I wish I'm less stronger.
I wish tears could drop.
I wish..

Thinking maybe a little bit too much.
Getting back loads of hurting memories. Should just get everything off my head. It doesn't meant to be inside my head.

Sometimes. I hope..
I'm a little bit more heartless.
I'm a little bit less soft-hearted.
I'm a little bit more cruel.
I'm a little bit less wishy-washy.
Sometimes. I just hope so.

I ask myself why and again.
I gone through myself to search for answer.
Why am I getting hurt again and again.
I don't want to be in love again. Never.
Should just be a little more heartless and cruel.

Realised the answer. Answer for the hurtings on me.
I'm just don't wish the hurt to be on you instead.
If I ever be just as heartless. The one who will be hurt might be you.
Nevermind. It's okayy.
I suffered just too much and one more wouldn't hurt too badly.
Just be sure. You live well. ((=

Darn. I'm spouting nonsense again.

Argh.
Can't Singapore Idol stop advertising Sylvester for once?! I can't stand seeing his face anymore. Arghh.
Taufik. I will support you all the way from now. You'll be the one stepping up the World Idol's stage. ((=

To live. To love.
And not be loved.
What life will that meant to be. I don't know.
Better off gone.

Don't know what it meant to be.
Things just been this way.
=

Shall end this post with a song. ((=

Flying Without Wings^Westlife

Everybody's looking for a something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special
flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your
when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

Who will be my special one?
What will be the special one?
I'm flying without wings..

Enjoyyingg. ((=

2004-11-22T01:48:00.000+08:00

CIP meeting tomorrow.
Perhaps. Going to the home again. -wonder-
Who bothers whether I'll be around. Blahh.

Sometimes. Something. Just don't mean to be around.
Oh well. Don't bother.

Zelanie's birthday BBQ next on Saturday.
For all 3G2s. ((= At down town east chalet.
Meet at Pasir Ris MRT at 1400. ((=
For the one and only 3G2'04 monsters.

Going to be woke up by Shirlene Koh's message early in the morning again. Forever..
Haha..((=

Starry starry starry.
Tinkle tinkle little stars.
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high.
Like a diamond in the sky.
Tinkle tinkle little stars.
How I wonder what you are.
((=

Wishing upon the stars.
Useless for now. Since the day you are gone. You took away the will. You took away the stars. That I wished for. = Nevermind. Never been this way..

The Dog. ((=
Yorkshire Terrier.
Miniature Dachshund.
Shih Tzu.
Cavalier King Carles Spaniel.
Papillon.
Golden Retriever.

Cutie little Puppies.
Artlist Collection. ((=

Nothing to do. Nothing to do. Nothing to do..

Pike is Level 38 already. ((=
2 more to Tier 3..

Be Bear *
//It works *

Nothing's real. What so fake though.

Totally in love..

There was nothing to ask for. Just a simple word. ((=

Thanks. For everything. At least you made a happy moment then.

Numb^{Linkin Park}

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressureOf walking in your shoes

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

((= Lyrics of the day.
I've become so numb..
Enjoyying..

2004-11-21T01:04:00.000+08:00

((= hey!
this is going to be the 3rd place that i'm wishing jeri-baby happy birthay.
-muacks- hahaha.
Happy Birthday!!

((= what a day today.
slacking away. not touching my homework once again. man man. i'm declared dead now.

right. i'm supposed to blog something. and i forgot. sheesh!
i'm really having short memory. = ="
right. now i remember. ((=

heard of a story of a panda and a fish? ((=
i miss that story. guess that chapter ended. if not, it's just coming to an end. ((=
fishie misses panda. does panda? [[=
fishie wishes panda all the best.

right. things are ending real fast. chapters and chapters of my life coming to an end. hoping for a new coming chapter. yet, none came.
like a book. looking at those chapters coming to an end. wonder when is it time for the story to be coming to an end.
being the author of the story. this book is not a good one. it's not like the realistic life where you'll have another chance to write a good book. nope. i'm done for what had been done. the book isn't an interesting one. it isn't.
i thank everyone who had played a role in this book. you made it good. it is the author that had ruined the book. you guys are the ones who make that book continues to be written. without you guys. it could have ended long ago. ((= thanks. especially to the special ones. you-know-who-you-are. and those who still don't know, you will know it someday before i part you guys. ((=

things haven't been right up there. i've been spouting nonsense around. thinking of things that had happened. realising how silly and slow i am. no idea. oh. did i say silly again? nevermind. not supposed to be there. cancel cancel!

it's not everyday that i have a chance to participate/play a role in everyone's life. times i rushed in just in time to end the day. times i just missed the chance to make it in time.
yet, i hope. i did step in everyone's life for once and left trace there.
everyone in my life. stepped in my life before. leaving traces and footsteps behind. from strangers to acquaintances. from acquaintances to friends. from friends to hangouts. from hangouts to buddies. from buddies to cliques. from cliques to closed ones. from closed ones to dears. some left light traces. some left deep traces. it doesn't matter who came first or who left what traces. ((= it doesn't matter.
those who left light traces. wish them good luck in putting deeper traces in others.
those who left deep traces. i love you guys to bits.
those who yet to complete their traces in me. ((= you rawks. and promise to leave deeper traces alright? =Pp

it's 0129 now.
yawns. and i'm really spouting nonsense.
think i shall get back to sleep shan't i?
but i still want to blog!!

there were a bunch of people that came into my mind just now. when i was blogging about being a role in my life. they were/are really the ones who made/make great impacts in my life.
some ended. some waiting to end. some beginning. some waiting to begin.
((= nothing means really much. dears. don't leave my life so early. don't leave before i do. i can't survive without you guys. ((=

then this thinking came to me.
people who made great impacts in my life. have i done my part? i don't know.
i've been trying to do something in this someone life. trying hard enough to leave something in her life before i leave. trying real hard. yet, i think i failed. i was only one of those "extras" in her life. those who just stepped into her life and left as quickly as in seen.
like one of those which she will not refer as friend. needless to say even to refer as dear.
nah. i've been a stranger in her life. then maybe up to acquainance. no more. though i tried to climb up hard enough. never could touch the "friends" section.
as hard as i tried. she's just another illusion to me. thinking that i might reach something.
fat hope. impossible. never.
of all the chapters in my life. perhaps, hers is one of the longest. one of the greatest impacts. nothing much that i wish to say. 'cept for thank for being in my life.. [[= being one of the special ones.
i hope you know who you are. ((=

blah. was trying to find lyrics for Quan Xin Zhu Fu. Couldn't find it. Nevermind. Shall get another one for the day. ((=

Never Had A Dream Come True^{S Club 7}

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you

((= enjoying..

2004-11-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

((=
Tan-ned. Nicely.
2-3 hours of swim. Definitely not wasted. ((=

-sniff-
The smell of rain.
Nothing to do with the weather. I just want to type it down. For no reason. Madness.

Oli dear is out. ))=
It's okay dear. You are already my idol since the starting.
I believe you can achive more than what Sylvester could ever. Being out doesn't mean that you are not up to it. ((= You worked hard. And I believe you will deserved more than what will be given. Take care. Don't force back your tears too much. Go ahead crying. Just be stronger each time. ((=

What's life about. No idea..

Have been telling people not to end their life. Yet, I feel like ending mine. Hah. Irony. Who the heck the tell me the same things that I've been telling others? -wonder- No one. Most probably. It's okay. It doesn't mean much. Just meant that I'm taking the right choice down.

Staring at this doggie soft toy, wondering who gave that to me. Then I realised. Nicole. Haha. ((=

Sees like a child. Gives like a saint. Feels like an angel..

-listening to Welcome to My Life^{Simple Plan}-

Nice song..((=

Swim swim. I miss swimming. Though my ankle is already hurting. Nevermind. It isn't going to stop me from wanting to swim. ((= My bleached hair and tanned skin. [Woo hoo]

Some seniors' Os ended today. Congratulation. You endured the 3 mugging weeks.
Time for freedom. Time for play.
Yet, what's left of me. Next year, it's time for me.
-stares at the pile of homework beside me- Oh well. What's that supposed to mean? Who cares. I'm just done for it.

Miss the days of freedom. Miss the days of happiness. Miss the days of well-companied. Miss the days of laughter.
What's my becoming. Tskk. Gone.

Looking at what are ahead of me. I admit I should just give up. No use struggling for nothing.

I lost interest in things/people fast enough for others to realise.
Right Julie? ((=

Either I get it. Or I lost it.
No such thing as settled for half in my life. Either fullest. Or none. ((= That's me.
Don't tell me there's no such thing. Because it's my life. I take full control of it. Whoever wants/tries to take over it. You deserved to be shot before even entering. Fat hope.

Carrot cake uncle was nice enough to treat me a drink. ((= Thank you..

Flu flu flu. Down with flu now. Guess is due to my hamsters. Always get it everytime I go near to them. Nevermind. It'll be okay in a while.

Raining. What a cool weather.
This reminded me of the run in rain in the afternoon. Typical luo4 tang1 ji1. [[= And wonderful Julie said she enjoy it. Hahaha. Right.

I miss you. Badly.

Bye.

2004-11-18T21:23:00.000+08:00

It's always this way..

Whatever..
Tskk.

Hate you.
Argh. TSKK.

Life's just so screwed up. Like anyone will care. Tskk.

2004-11-18T01:50:00.000+08:00

Those weren't for her..
If anyone of you were thinking..

Just one important person in my life.
Oh no..I mean..used to be important enough to crush my life.
Not now though. Everything passed..
Chapter closed.

I don't know why. Maybe things haven't been right.
Argh. Who cares anyway.

This post is just to clarify.
The previous one is not for her..
Never..

((=
Daddy..
If you were reading this. I miss you loads. Too much. The post is for you. I love you loads too. Hope you could feel better okay? Anything. Remember. Your daughter here is always there for you. The promise. Remember? No matter what time it is. Just give a call. I'll be there. ((= Loads of things that I wished to say to you. Like what was said. Wished to message you. Yet, I didn't dare to. Was scared. For no reason. Just..))= Anything. Just anything. Daddy. Do take care alright? Maybe you are having your own life now. I'm alright. Do know. You still mean alot to me. ((= Always in my heart. You took a place as a very important person. It remains, just for you. Hope that one day perhaps we could be back those close-ness. ((= Take care. And love you loads x 10000000000000^100000000000000. [[=

2004-11-17T19:43:00.000+08:00

Read this someone's blog.
Wish that I could help. I can't..

Loads of words in my mind upon reading. How I wish I could be there again. How I wish I say something. How I wish I could send my concern over. No..
I hate it. How important it used to be. Now, it doesn't seem to be what it was. -phew Nevermind. It just sucks.

Wished to hold my phone now. Wished to scroll to that name. Wished to send a message to that name. Wished to type in "take care..". Wished to send that message over. I wished. I don't dare anymore. Not anymore. No..

It's okayy. That chapter of my life ended already. Ended so long ago that I didn't realised. Still thought that perhaps I could get that relationship back. I thought. Haha. Nevermind. I'm too silly. It's okayy. Learnt to take things more easily. Something, when it's gone, will never come back anymore. This chapter, ended. And will not continue anymore. ||=

Take it. Or leave it. It doesn't matter.

Life isn't perfect. Take it as what it is..
That's life. Can't force things are not meant to be forced. Tskk.

I gave up on chasing too much. I don't know what is it to be so silly. Silly. Did I say silly? Okay. Nevermind..

A long long day. Visited the home for our CIP. The kids there are so spontaneous. Haha. I'm almost deaf. = =" But guess they are nice. More trouble-free as compared to me. -sighs It's okay. Life life life. Life is this way. Like how the one up there had put us in. It's okay it's okay. Take it as what it is. Then went Macs for "high-tea". Haha. Shirlene Koh's treat. Haha. Over 30+ bucks. Poor her >_<. But hey! Not my fault. Haha. ((= She asked for our wishlist for teachers next year. Haha. I tell you now. ((=

AMaths = Sorry for saying this. But..MS ELANIE CHUA!
Biology = MRS GOH AI LIN! If not..MRS YIP! Haha..
Chinese = MS CHIA..>_<
Chemistry = MRS CHIA OF CAUSE!!!
EMaths = Erm..MR LEE?! Haha. ((= NO NO!! I WANT DORCAS LAI!!!!!!!!!!
English = YOU!!
Geography/Social Studies = GARY TAN? Hahaha. Okayy. Josef Tan..
Literature = MS GOON!! Haha..

Okayy. Done..Hahah..((=
I really want them okay!! Hahaha. My ever so wonderful combination for my Sec 3/4 course okay! Haha. ((=

Oh well oh well. I shall go. Charmed starting. ((=

2004-11-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

Drained.

Physically and mentally..

2004-11-16T03:22:00.000+08:00

She's being left alone
In a dark place
Really dark
The way in front is endless
She called for help
She shouted for help
No one yet to come over and help
Everyone turned away
Everyone brushed her off
Day by day
The strength inside her disppeared
The strength which hold her up till now

She already lost the will of surviving
In this world
She found no more reason to stay on
But
Still waiting for miracle to happen
Someone to come over to give her will
To give her strength
To give her the understand of life
To give her the will to treasure herself
But no
No one come over
She lost the very last strength that allow her to survive till then

Finally
One day
She collapse
Finally collapse after suffering so much
Around her
Still
No one willing to come over to give her the last strength
Nor the last will to survive
She left the world

She used to cry
She used to cut
She used to hurt herself
But she then understand
No matter how much she cry
No matter how much she cut
No matter how much she can hurt herself
No one is still willing to be there for her
To give her the last of strength
She chose to leave this world

Forgive her will you?
Just forgive her
Respect her decision
She doesn't want to suffer anymore
Don't ever blame her
She done nothing wrong
She just choose the way that people want her
Please don't blame her after her death
Because she hates it
Forgive her will you?
Just forgive her

Will anyone miss her
Will anyone remember her
Will anyone remember the day of her death
Will she stay in anyone heart
She already left the world
She already did
That's nothing we can do
Because she already left

A life of a little girl of 14.
Written around 1 1/2 years ago.
Written by the little girl of 14 called Jingru.

I like this post. Something that perhaps brought back a few things in my life. I don't know. I found it meaningful though. Written by a little girl of 14. Around 1 1/2 years ago.
Perhaps. Again. The little girl stayed alive then. Perhaps. The little girl is facing the same old thing again now. How she had struggle through life. Now. A little girl of 15. What will she choose? The same choice that she made 1 1/2 years ago. Or, a choice that leads to eternal?
Any choice. Let her be. Respect her decision. Don't cry, don't blame her. She hates it. Only thing that she wants. Just show her that the X factor that she always look for. Just show her that you care. Give the little girl some freedom. Don't force her to live in the cruelty world. Give her the right to choose the path. Maybe she will make the same choice like then. Maybe she won't.. Take it. Don't leave it. She hates being alone. She hates being left abandoned. Love her. Even though she made the decision that leads her to eternal.
Trust her. ((= She might find a better life then. She knows it well that this life isn't for her. She suffered enough, been through enough. If she did continue, treasure it. ((=

2004-11-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

I'm scared. Very. =?

Wonder who can get this feeling out of me anymore. I'm really scared. It hurts. For an unknown reason. There is something I hope that I could have. But, no. I lost it. Or should I said. I didn't even managed to get it. Nevermind. My life is screwed. And scuk big.

Things are not going right in my mind. Of all that had happened. Of all the questions that had been thrown to me. I don't know how to answer. I don't know what to throw back. Should I just throw the whole question back like how it's thrown to me? It sucks alright? There are obviously things that I got answers with. Yet, hard to put them in words. Never easy. Hate it when I wished to say something so badly, but hard to put them in words. I swear, I wanted to put them in words to much. Really.

Promises.
What are they? Meant to be broken? So much promises made to me. Jolly well I know, hardly any of them would be kept close with. Well. Humans. Tskk. I always always made them and will keep them. I know how much it really hurts that when promises are broken. So much promises broken. I don't know why. If they are meant to be broken, why made them in the first place? To brush off people? To make people happy then later bring them hurts? Just take a look. Seriously. Don't make promises that meant to be broken. Made them, and keep them. It sucks to know when promises are broken. It does. No doubt.

Speaking nonsense stuffs. Haha. Oh well. I can't stand myself anymore. I'm seriously such a b____.

Dear..I hope..

2004-11-15T21:13:00.000+08:00

Band concert tomorrow. Hope all my band friends are well-prepared to perform their best infront of their friends tomorrow. Good luck alright? I'll remember your flowers..((=

Wonder what's for tomorrow's night. Who wants to see me in skirt then come to the Victoria Concert Hall. Haha. ((= Whee!! But but..no accessories around for me to wear. ))= Oh well. Nevermind. I got my starry bracelet. ((=

Who want to go out with me in the afternoon tomorrow? I'm bored to death! Seriously. Haha. Or should I just stick with my PT2 first then my concert. Haha. ((=

Dear..
I miss you so much all of a sudden. Haha. No idea why. My mind is just filled with you. ((= Hope so much you could come round tomorrow. Know you won't...))= Nevermind..Love ya loads though. ((=

2004-11-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

Something something something..
Don't know what also. Haha.

Silly

To me. An affectionate word.
I like it though. ((=

Silly girl..

Only used for people that mean really important.

2004-11-13T13:09:00.000+08:00

Sharktale with Zhaoyong yesterday.

Haha. Not bad. The movie was funny. Seriously..
Went around town to shop. It was quite tired. My limit of the day. My body is aching like crazy after I get home. Hahaha. >_<
Sorry Zhaoyong. Haha. I can't walk for long. No strength. >_<
Oh, by the way, your template is done up. Haha. Go take a look here..

2004-11-12T10:50:00.000+08:00

Yawnss.

Should I go to school to return my books? Haha. Laziness.

Movie later. The Shark Tale..((=
That reminds me I'm supposed to check the timing. Hahaha. Oh well.

Boredd. Somehow things haven't been going right. ))= Why? Don't understand. So? Nevermind. Forget it.

[[Nothingiwillbeafraid]]

2004-11-11T21:14:00.000+08:00

I seriously suck in swimming. Haha. Can't even swim breaststroke properly. =.= Lol. Nevermind. I will learn. ((=

Chlorine makes my skin and lips very dry. >_< My face also. Sob..
Nevermind. As long as I get my tan and bleach. It's okayy. [[=

Yawns. Got nothing to say anymore. Don't feel like saying anything also.

Got to go school tomorrow. ))= Just to return books. Who want to date me out? Hahah. ((=

2004-11-11T09:53:00.000+08:00

Well..
Well enough. East Coast trip is cancelled. Due to the insufficient people.
Knew it prefectly the previous night. Haha. That's why I said I didn't get to look forward to it. Blahh. Nonsense..

Swimming later. ((=
Tan is fading half-way already. Plan to get them doubly back today cause the sun is GOOD! Hahaha. It hasn't been raining this few days. And please. Don't rain today okay? -slap mouth- Choy! Hahaha. Oh well. ((=

Don't make me cry anymore will you? Everytime it just make me feel like crying. Like a test to my endurance. Hahaha.. It's tiring. Really.

Even times when I promised myself not to cry. Who knows. During the lonesome night. Tears just roll like even without me knowing. What a joke. Haha. No one can really control tears. So, who am I trying to do it?

Joke..joke. A real big joke..

My baby. ((=

2004-11-10T22:35:00.000+08:00

Watching Jurassea Park III now. Kind of cool. Haha. [[=

My baby is healing already. Getting on well enough. ((= Go baby. I love you.
Upset enough when she was hurt. She is getting better though..
No worries. Thank You, the one up there. Thank for answering my prayer. I was scared.

Another day of slack. Darn. What am I supposed to do? CIP schedule out already. Going to be busy soon. I want my job fast! I want money! ))=

East Coast tomorrow. Wonder what..
Cycle. Canoe. Skate. Swim. Badminton. Radio. Blah..what else.
= Don't even know whether I'm looking forward to it. Nevermind. I still hope it won't disappoint me. Outing. I'm supposed to look forward to it. Argh. Whatever..

Dear. I want you by my side so much. Really. Love you loads and loads. Yes dear? ((=

2004-11-10T01:36:00.000+08:00

Poor little mama hamster. Got bitten on her ear.
Bleeding rather badly.

I mean it when I said it.
I'm upset. It's absolutely alright if you felt nothing about it. However, it didn't give you the right to be anywhere sarcastic nor to be equally heartless and said things didn't mean good. Don't test my endurance. It has a limit to it.

Don't push me too back. You won't want that rebounce.

The few of my most precious. Who gives you the right to comment. ~~F___.~~

2004-11-09T21:30:00.000+08:00

The champion is definitely not a show for me. Brought so much emotions in me. Tears waiting to rush out. As usual, I wouldn't allow.

Don't know where all these emotions came from.

Only thing that I wished to say.

I'm a big liar. Could lie even without showing a single trace. Hah.. How much have I changed? Wonder..

I could say nothing. Only a big lie that hides everything.
Can't say the true. I scare that everything will come back again.
I can't speak the truth. Facing you, I can't. ))=
All I hope is that maybe you might know the truth..

Nevermind..
What..
I scuk..

2004-11-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

Don't know why. But my hamsters kept fighting. ))= Especially the females. Weird..

Big slacker here. Haven't touch any holiday homework since holiday started. What the. I'm going to be dead when school reopen. I bet!

Yawns. I feel so lazy now. Get me going somewhere to do some workout. Swimming swimming!! Argh. Holiday life suck big..

Miss you loads..

2004-11-08T20:37:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter anymore, does it? ((=

Let it be..

2004-11-08T01:24:00.000+08:00

It doesn't really matter that much anymore.
Those waitings are obviously meant to be useless. I don't know. Perhaps, it's just life. Things don't come so easily to life perhaps. No idea. Let it be. Force never give happiness. Haha.
There's only one thing. ~~I felt cheated~~.

I left. Leaving everything behind. Going well with my life. Better than what it used to be at least. Yet, it was brought back to me. Made me almost all collapse. Though I made it clear that I wouldn't want to pick up from where I left it. Yet, nevermind. It was all my fault. I shouldn't have been so mischievous. Trying to play a fool around, then in the end getting hurt myself instead.

Haha. I am the silliest person on earth aren't I? Cheryl, I know you will agree with that. Haha. You know what I had done to make myself suffer so much. I shouldn't have played that joke and then get myself hurt. Haha..what a fool.

Why is that answer "no" so difficult to be said? I should just say "no". NO! What a simple word that is. Yet, it is so difficult to say. ((= I deserved all these.

Like what it was always said.
Don't play with fire. You will get yourself burnt someday.
Even with spark. You will eventually get yourself burnt. No deny. No doubt. You will.

I was just playing with this small spark.
Seen it? I got myself badly burnt..

People learn. Only when they experienced it..
What a joke. Even when tons of advice given. No human will take it, unless proven right by their own experience.
Don't believe? Take a good look at me..((=
Trust me. It's true..

One lesson learnt.
Do take advices. They mean well. No harm..

2004-11-07T17:53:00.000+08:00

Sleep sleep sleep.
It seems like a sleeping day for me. Like a pig I am. Haha..
Sleep eat sleep eat. I'm going to be fatter!! ))=
Swim swim! I want to swim! Rowena!!!

Oh yeah..
Julie's mocha gave birth to 5 babies!!
Hahaa. Mocha. The one who scatched me and the scatch became scar. =.=

Pray for tomorrow's weather.
I want to swim swim.
Rightt..

2004-11-07T13:06:00.000+08:00

Time to get back some sense to my life..

The homework planner..
Going to be done by tomorrow. Alright..

1 whole week of illusions.
1 whole week of playfulness.
1 whole week of imaginations.
1 whole week of dreams that I weaved.

All gone. They deserved to be gone.
Need to settle with some stuffs of sense.
Then later perhaps 1 more week of wonderland.
I wish..

[[Everyday waiting for the tune "Graduation" to be played]]
[[Everyday waiting for the one to come]]
[[Everyday waiting for the dreams weaved to come true]]

Haha..
Wishing thinking..
((= I give up..

2004-11-07T11:58:00.000+08:00

Alright..

Waiting too much. Hurt too much.
Perhaps then. I decided to give up. I decided to let go.
Waiting is no more a choice for me.
I'll try to let go. I will. ((=

((=
I said..
I choose who stays and who goes.

Had decided.

You go.
Yet, with an exception.
I know jolly well. You will be the one coming back again..

2004-11-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

So much tears behind those eyes of tunnel.
Yet, I forbid them from dropping. The promise made to myself. I'll keep it.

Day was a boring one. Don't know what to do. Swim wasn't a choice. Everyone so busy. Yet, sun so good. Yawns..

The waiting waiting waiting. Argh. Hell. WHY?
Do you know how hard is it inside me? I wish I'm dead. No emotional no nothing.
Perhaps that wasn't a choice for me either. I can't bear to leave a few things behind. Just that few things bothering me. I don't know. I really wish that I'm dead. I don't want to handle all these things. Darn silly me. Contridicting. Blahhhhhhh..

I don't know what I want. I need to get myself calm enough again.
But what the fcuk can I do? Why am I getting myself into such trouble again? Freakk.

Right..
I forgot about this post while playing my game..

Oh well..
Still waitingg. Waiting for something that might not come anymore. Man. Tell me what am I supposed to do? It's really hurting.
~~Dear..just where are you?~~

2004-11-05T21:20:00.000+08:00

I don't like that feeling. Just hell hate it. Darn.

Everyday seems to be a waiting for me. Waiting for that thing to come everyday. Waiting for someone to realise my existance. Waiting for the one to come.
Maybe then, I hate waitings too much. So much so I gave up on some things. Yet, there are still things that I chose to hang on to them. Perhaps, if time got longer and longer and I'm still waiting. I might just choose to give them up. Sometimes, waiting cause too much hurt. I will not be able to take it too long.

Swim was okay. Except that it rained too much. Lightning too much. Was scared to get electrical shock during the swim. Haha.

To replace what supposed to be replaced.

(('=
It's not for me to decide. Too bad..

I have the right to choose.
Who remains. Who goes.
The ones who stay. Might go one day.
The ones who go. Will never come back.

The problem is.
~~I want you. Too much. Too badly.~~
So much so it hurts. So much so I wish to have a choice to send you out.
I wish..
Yet 1 side of me..
Wants you to stay..

One day. I promise..

2004-11-05T13:45:00.000+08:00

Don't like it. Don't like it. DON'T LIKE IT! I DON'T LIKE IT!

Too much junk food. Too heaty. ]]= oh well.

Nevermind.
Setting off for a swim later. In kind of 15 minutes time.
Hope for clear sky. Though weather forecast says rain. Oh well.
I want my carrot cake! [[=

Chiong-ing nights finally give a break. To prepare you for next.
I wonder. If you were reading these rubbish here now. Haha..
Yeah..I do mean rubbish..

Something that didn't meant to be. Oh well. I don't know. Blogger ate up my previous post. And I forgot what I wrote at this section. Well.

I want a ring. A ring. Ring that means something. Ring that says something. Ring that perhaps might replace the one that I lost.
I want that particular ring. The one that I lost a few months ago. It might mean nothing. Yet, it says something. It made something out of nothing. I don't know. I just want it. Though, it is definitely not my style picking up from somewhere that I didn't like. But well. I don't like that feeling. Still, I want it.

Rubbish. Rubbish. Rubbish.
I realised perhaps how important that forgotten section should be. Yet. I forgot. Never mind. It didn't meant to be there.

2004-11-05T08:17:00.000+08:00

Mornings. The supposed tired ones.
Today is unusual. Lonely. Everyone got their things to do. Work for work. Study for study. Visit for visit. Practice for practice. Left me with the walls. I'm the one with nothing.
My brother just left for school. Bye..

Yawns. I wonder what's for today..

Mass eating. Like the depression I will to get just down and away.
Mass eating. Not good for health. But, what else? Haha..

AMaths O's today. I wish everyone good luck. Though again, I'm a little late. It should have started already..

2004-11-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

Nights are usually lonely.
No company. No chat. No laughter.
Sometimes with fear. With tears. With hurts.

Tonight is the usual one.
Let this be the last post of the day. 6 more minutes. Got to complete it.

The usual lone. Usual fears. Maybe no tears. Which contributed to the unusual.
Wonder if I could find back the days of chatty nights full with laughters of my company. Or even companies. Haha. Wonder.. Perhaps no more. Everyone has their own private life now with left me alone. Either, no one is hardly a night person like me. I wasn't one, I thought. Was influence. Yet, the influence left me. Haha..what a joke?

Then maybe. Slowly I thought, another one came in. Erm..I thought.
Of the stress and everything. They slowly change people totally. Maybe not totally. At least, kind of obvious. Have they do the trick on me I wonder? Haha..

2 more minutes to go.

Rushing for time almost everyday. Like it really flew past me like no one's business. Then perhaps everything really meant nothing. Since it looks like words that had been said could be gone with the time that had passed. Haha..what a great great great joke..

Haven't no one realised that some words are taken really seriously by some people?
Oh well. Maybe they didn't realised. Words just come out as a brush off. As nothing. Oh perhaps. What are we humans. -scratch head- Maybe we don't even deserve it. Oh well..

Like what a crap am I saying at such a timing. Haha. Darn. I wish this post is nothing going over to the Friday's date.

Perhaps..the one up there is giving me a great test again. A test against deep emotions that I buried around 1 year ago. Then, maybe the one up there wants me to face it and dug them up and threw back at me. Nevertheless, again I chose to bury them down deeper than anyone could thought. Though wounds never seem to heal as one came after another. Lol..then I wish..for that the one up there will not decided to dig it up again and throw them at me.

It kind of took me a long time in order to bury those emotionals down last time. To get them deeper inside, I wonder how long am I going to take this time. Will I succeed before another one comes to me?

I wonder..why make me remember? Don't wish to pick up from where I had left it. I left it because I didn't want it. Why force me to pick it up again? Oh well..I feel frickle minded. Oh fine, I am?

Welcome To My Life^{Simple Plan}

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like

To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like

To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Nice lyrics..
Though I never used to touch Simple Plan's stuffs..
But this is nice..

2004-11-04T17:33:00.000+08:00

Raining these few days.
Cooling and nice. Haha. Except for the rain during my swims. Suck. Haha.

Oh well.
Things really hurt too much I guess..
Arghh..

((= nevertheless. Thank..

[[ermm]]

2004-11-04T17:15:00.000+08:00

Almost late for Biology this morning. Or, I'm late. Slightly. But she haven't started. Hahaha. I made it in time. Her lessons are really understandable. Lol. Not bad afterall.

Angie left me "abandoned"! She went home and left me for the "interview myself! Oh mine. Do you know how scary it was. Hahah. I walked like for 10 minutes. Then I went in Thai Express. Haha. Then I asked. They said come back at 3. Haha. Then I spent like 1 1/2 hours in Popular reading the new True Singapore Ghost Stories Vol 12. Haha. Then went for lunch. aha. Not exactly a lunch though. Just a curry puff and spring roll. Then went up to Thai Express again. Hahah. That man there is darn funny only la. Lol. He lives in Yishun too. I hope I could have my training as early as possible.

Tomorrow might be going Malaysia. Since there is no lesson for me. Doubt the training going to come so fast like Angie's.

The whole day was simply alright.. Not much..

O's. I wonder how it is..

[[yawnss]]

2004-11-04T09:44:00.000+08:00

Not a very good sleep. Long maybe. But not a good one.

Few more minutes. Got to go for Yip's lesson again. Not bad. Just a little monotonous. Made me feel like sleeping. Still prefer Goh I guess. Haha.
Ponned Phua's lesson. Since he said that if we were looking for fun/laughter, then go out of the class. Okay..here I am. Not in class. Right? You gave me the permission to. I didn't do anything wrongly.

Stomachache these few days. Unbearable.

Pains and more pains. I wonder..when will it end?

Job interview later in the afternoon. Wish me luck okay? Haha. Angie! I hope I will pass. Haha.

Hey..good luck for your EMaths & Literature papers today. Though the EMaths paper should be over in 11 minutes time. A little late. But, I still in time before it ended. Haha. Alright? Remember what I said okay? Believe in yourself. It doesn't make any sense in wanting a 1 in your result slip and not believing that you can do it. And don't you dare to call me monster. You are so not cute. Haha. [[=

2004-11-03T21:46:00.000+08:00

Was that just an excuse? Or is it just what I felt? Oh please..no..

All I wish now is probably an at least 10% volka right infront of me. I don't know. I just want it. I just want to feel numb perhaps. Too much mess are getting onto me.

Tears are waiting to drop. Never. I will not allow.

Darn. I feel stupidly silly now.

The Champions is making me so emotional now.
Then, it brought back so much hurt.
Tskk. Can't help it.
Or is it..

[[whatever]]

2004-11-03T20:48:00.000+08:00

Reached home. Finally..

The walk home meant to be long, quiet and soul-searching. Yet, this time round. Mind seemed to be corrupted with don't know what thing. Walk no longer quiet and soul-searching. Distractions around. Distractions in mind. Distractions in thoughts. Can't seem to pay any attention to what it was supposed to. Should have taken a bus, if know this might happen.

I got myself into a big mess again before clearing up the previous.
I should just never never never never never never never never never never ever try doing this again. Better off with the previous mess that I created before the current one. Haha. Or should I say. I'm better off dead. Serious. Before I create even bigger mess that I could never ever clear them up. Just once. I promise I will not try doing this stupid thing again before I clear up those mess I had gotten myself into. Darn hell. I will take me almost forever to clear. -bang head-
Stop creating anymore mess! -slap myself-

In the sense. I lost all the confident that I used to have in things. These things. Those things. Yeah. You-know-what-it-means.

I will take a long break. To build up confident in me. Hopefully, I will be able. Even if it takes me forever to, it's okay. That will be best, not to get myself deeper rooted in.

Darn. Why am I saying all this? Freakk..

[[=
((=
<<=
dd=
CC=
qq=
gg=
aa=

It's okayy. I'm still not rooted in too deep. Haha.
-take hammer and chop it off-
I wish..

[[so.chlorine-y]]

2004-11-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

Yawns..

-sniff sniff-
Still so chlorine-y afterall. Lol. What a good swim. Though..well. Hahaha.
No much sun though..it was like raining when we reached Ro's house? Oh, by the way, I'm at Ro's house now. Haha. Erm..-sob- no nice tan for me. ))=

Well. The swim kind of really clear my mind a little. Of all the things that happened. Haha. Kind of a short one day holiday for me not to thinking so much? Yes? I wonder..who wants it anyway.

Hey. I felt so childhood just now. Haha. All the splashings of water and the playground. Lol. Swimming always gives me the feeling of freedom. Even I don't really know how to swim. Haha. Got choked alot of times. Haha.

Went to the 1.2m pool. Then the 1.5m. Then the playground. Hahaha. Oh well.

Tan didn't really get any tanner. Kind of sad. And oh..it's going 7..time for home? Haha.

It didn't meant to be sad. Yet, I don't know. It kind of turned out to be one. I wonder what can I do to get the darn thing off my head. So irritating.
I don't if it meant to be right. But, oh well.

Settle for none. Really none. Hahah..what can I do?
Selfish me. Half never seems to be enough for me. Lol..

I wished so much. Perhaps you never know. How much I wished to get it closer to my heart. I wished. So badly. It never seems to come true though. Hahah. Wishing thinking. Oh yeahh..

Not a good day today. Except for the swim. The whole day lessons were kind of killing me. Especially AMaths. The worst I ever get. Fcuk..

[[yawns]]

2004-11-03T06:40:00.000+08:00

Woke up not long ago. Or is it? Haha. Woke up at 0611. Went for a bath. Then came online. And internet is kind of lag. Took my rather long to load all these stuffs.

Woke up in a rather clear mind. Like nothing had happened. (= I wish.

Maybe something didn't mean to be for me. Shan't ask for much. Settle for half. Or, I rather settle for none. The extreme, you know. That's me! [=

I'm left with a few minutes to complete this post. Else, I'll be hell late for Yip's first lesson and definitely can't get away from a scolding.

Erm..what did I wanted to write just now? Oh dear, I'm losing memory..

Oh yeah! I'm going for a swim again later. Haha. Getting back my tan which is half-way fading now. Serious. Haha. Swim swim. It better don't rain. Hotter the sun, happy I'm! Haha. Tan! And bleaching of hair. Lol.

Idea of swimming kind of clear my mind a little last night. After all the stuffs that had happened. Swimming was one of the 2 things that looked forward today. The other is..well, for you to guess. The thing that I always been looking forward to for the past few weeks. Haha. The enjoyment for getting rooted deeper each time. Haha. I wonder what's for today. Haha.

There's a strength moving on to each day. I wonder which..
I believe, it's the one that I'm looked forward to since the day it started. Haha. Though, I never used to like it. Lol.

Just a few more minutes please..I need to complete this post. Lol.

I wonder..
Is what was said mean to be serious? Or, was it just a dream? Just a simple fairytale? Clear my mind a little bit more will you?

Like a short fairytale.
It ended before I even realised..

Haha..

2004-11-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

Shan't have said anything..
I deserved it..

[[well]]

2004-11-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

Spare me from talking.

I'm not in the right state of mind of thinking.
Pardon me if I'm talking ridiculous stuffs.

I kind of need time to get over it..

-bang head-

[[tskk]]

2004-11-02T07:28:00.000+08:00

There is this mess in me. Mess that I don't know how to clear. Any nice soul around? I wonder..

The 30-45 minutes of walk home allowed me to think of just so much. From what had happened from the start till now. It was a long and quiet walk. Enough for at least to face some relationships in my life truthfully. Then I wondered why am I so troubled. Apparently, no answer found. To face them, yet I don't know how to solve them. How long more will they drag? Irritation.

Wondering..
I lost my true self. Or.. I found my newself.
I seem to change yet so much.

There are so much things meant to be kept deep down. It's suffocating me. I wish to speak. Yet I felt mute. I hope I haven't been looking so much. That makes the feeling rooted deeper. I tried avoiding. I tried coldness. Yet the concerns came make me go in deeper.

I wished I haven't give in any. I didn't want to. Tried hard enough to deny feelings. Yet, the more denials, the more they proved the feelings within..

Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm right.
Wrong for giving in feelings.
Riight to deny the feelings.
Or..is it the other way round..

Self-denial.
Prove only things more right..

[[sniff]]

2004-10-31T18:40:00.000+08:00

yawns. tired.

went for a swim yesterday. supposed to go to the singapore idol thing. but they don't want to go. then slacked at home. then qinwen later said she want to go, but too late already. -sob- nevermind. sure got chance one. haha. oli! wait for me okay?! anyway. i got tanner again!! and i can swim alreadyy. hahaha. nevermindd. shall not be so excited. lol. i better swim more. or my tan will go away. -sob- cannot cannot. ROWENA! i want to swim!!

stupid. can't sleep properly. kept thinking of my amaths misc 12. argh. better finish it later. or i sure can't sleep later. argh. why got amaths tomorrow. irritating la. waste my time only. yawns. i feel so slacky now. only starting of holiday and still got 1 week of lessons. but i'm already feeling slacky. omg. how how. -slap myself-

okayy okayy. i shall stop blogging. gosh. i'm dead.

[[looks like a child]]
[[gives like a saint]]
[[feels like an angel]]

[[ohwell]]

2004-10-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

I smell so chlorine now. ((=
I tanned myself a little!! Wonderfull. [[=

Swimming at Ro's house. Lunch. Ngee Ann's talk. Ride home.
Totally drained out already. Hahah. Yet it was fun. Still. I SMELL SO CHLORINE!! Hahaha. Yawnss. Hopefully tomorrow there will be a swim too. -winkk winkk- Swims are FUN.

There is perhaps something I really realised.
It takes me 1 day to fall in love. Then takes me 1 week to fall deep in love. Again. It took me a few weeks. Yet, I just can't fall out of love. Even when I tried so hard to hate. For this 1 month, I got even deeper in love instead.
Yawnss.

Burping non stop. Yawnss. Tired..

[[requirements]]

2004-10-28T07:55:00.000+08:00

Entry requirements[for IT course] in GCE O Level examinations (or equivalent) are:

English Language (EL1) : 1 - 7
Mathematics (Elementary/Additional) : 1 - 6
Any three other subjects (excluding CCA) : 1 - 6

Have sat for at least one of the subjects:Additional Combined Science, Additional Science, Chemistry, Combined Science, Design & Technology, Engineering Science, Integrated Science, Physical Science, Physics, Science (Chemistry, Biology), Science (Physics, Biology), Science Physics, Chemistry) or Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can do it can't i. ^-^

[[blahh]]

2004-10-28T07:33:00.000+08:00

there are things in this world that perhaps i just don't understand.
never will i. i guess.

just woke up not very long ago. haha. read rowena's blog. she was so pissed off about the tuesday's thing. hahaha. poor her. got dao-ed by everyone. lucky i was playing basketball. i wasn't involved okay ro ro? lol. ^-^ i'm such a nice person right.
had some weird weird dreams just now. dreamt that i was running for don't know what hell. just run run run. for the school? to get in some track stuffs. gosh. like when will that happen. track. wishing thinking.
later swimmingg. i better don't cut myself again without me even knowing. wonderful girl i am. wahaha. yawnss. 2 more hours to swim. swim swim swim swim. actually. i want to go gym instead!! nevermind. swim is good enough.

let's talk about some yesterday stuffs. which got me rather pissed off. i swear. really pissed off.
early early in the morning of 5 am. wasn't feeling well. few hours before that i was puking like don't what shit. intend just not to go to school. or maybe just for taking of report book. woke up around 8++am. couldn't get to sleep. feeling so lousy. went to get some breakfast. then realised that there was going to be amaths lessons. so typed out letter. let my mom signed. and went to school[just for amaths if you are wondering why]. when my mom insisted that i should see doctor instead of my teachers. feeling seriously so so so so bad. still i reached school. thought perhaps that wonderful teacher might come in for lessons. wonderfully. he walked in the class. told us some stupid stuffs. and left the class. without an explanation of why he was not teaching. so. really wonderful wasn't it. i dragged myself out of the house and went to school and then he just went away. seriously. i won't care about it anymore. i hate it alright. what was that. and just because of your words. yes. i came. and. tskk. forget it. you don't deserve that much from me anymore. seriously. no. no nothing was said. tskk. just f___ away. i'm not taking such nonsense.

okay. something not so pissed off at least. got back report book. was rather okay. other that Mrs Goh setting the rather wishing thinking goals for me. haha. improve english, literature and combined humanities by end of the year. which means next year's first test i had to show her the improved grades. and the 12 pointer target. oh dear. how am i supposed to reach it. an A2 for each subject at least. hey. i can't make it. seriously. haha. i will try though. and yeah. don't bother about my cca. it is not going to change. lol. worst cca records you even seen i guess? haha. relax. i'm not bothering about it. ngee ann IT course. i believe i can do it without those cca cut-off. ((=

okayy. time to prepare for my swimm. hope that it doesn't rain. swim swim swim. here i comee!

[[dead]]

2004-10-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

die. dying. dead.

wasted trip down. i went down just for that particular thing. yet. nothing was even said and you just went off. wonderful. guess you haven't realise that fact how i dragged myself out of house and bear all the pains and reached school. was already half-dead yet still looking forward just for that particular thing. oh fine. you win. i shouldn't have been so silly and did such an action. really silly. right?
you no more deserve anything from me. because you really deserve nothing from me. i'm sorry. but i seriously hate you for the fact how you said that we shouldn't skip lessons even after exam. and should attend your lessons unless you really can't get down from bed. so i went. yet. you went away. without a word. without any explanation. then what a wasted trip down. what [she]* said was right. i'm such a silly girl.

who exactly bothers. how sick i really am now. tskk. fine.

thanks partner. ^-^

[[haixx]]

2004-10-26T17:06:00.000+08:00

My phone bill went up to 54.39 bucks. Gosh..

Sometimes I wonder. Whether what being said were true or not. Yes. I deny those being promises. Still. What were said. I thought were real. I thought. Those illusions of what might happened. Perhaps. Too one sided? Tskk. Hate it too badly. The hateful truth that those aren't real. The hateful fact that those just to brush me off.

Rather hope I weren't treated so well. The feeling of being raised up like an angel then thrown down like no one is not good. It just doesn't feel nice. Perhaps. I rather dao-ness. At least. Hurts not so deep. At least. Illusions not so fantansy. At least. I know I should never be treated nice. Nah. Not from you at least.

Fate. Or was it. Tskk.
Was I supposed to comment?

2004-10-25T09:27:00.000+08:00

Scars

Another cut
there is one too many,
More the merrier my mum used to say,
But she isn't here anymore,
No one is,
All alone,
On the dusty floor,
Me and a thousand scars,
A paper clip in my hand ready to have a go,
Blood trickles out of a paper thin line.
My young skin is harmed,
yahoo just what I've always wanted,
Actually it's what every one wants,
Me too fade away,
Without a word I slowly begin,
My road to hell,
Another cut and another, I just can't stop,
And no one is stopping me,
I am confused,
The pain is colossal,
Bu still I keep cutting,
Why am I causing myself so much pain?
Love is the answer,
There is none in me
Not for myself or other people,
And in return no one loves me back,
I'm not surprised,
Lil old me sitting in the corner,
A paper clip and my life,
Thats all I have and all I ever will have,
Goodbye and gods bless.
hope you live happily because I no I won't.

by Beckie

2004-10-25T09:20:00.000+08:00

First Real Tears

For the first time in what seems like forever
I cried real tears of pain.
They welled in my eyes and uncontrollably
Ran like rivers down my face.
I don't know exactly what I was crying about
Or who I was crying for.
But still they rained down
Like an unstoppable force.
I guess I was crying for my broken heart
And the fight I'm having with my friends.
For the decline of my grades
And this period of loneliness that just won't seem to end.
I cry for the pain I feel each day
And for the medicine I take that makes me sick
Instead of taking the pain away.
I never used to be like this.
For awhile I was happy and carefree.
I was an innocent girl
With lots of hopes, plans, and dreams.
But now that world has disappeared
And gone beyond my reach.
I've been put in a world that is sad and lonely.
A place I never wanted to be.
Why can't I be like everyone else
And find joy in the littlest things?
What is it that I'm missing from my life
That makes me so incomplete?
I know there are others out there
With problems much bigger than my own.
But still I just can't take this pain
Of living my life all alone.

by Kayla Bennett

[[scared]]

2004-10-24T23:39:00.000+08:00

I wonder. Wonder what are you thinking exactly. Do I mean anything? Are those all meaningless? Sure you promise? Don't know.

Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

What am I supposed to do I wonder. Whatever..

New thing. New day. New week. What should I do? New me. Doubt I want to face all these. Darn..

[[i.wished]]

2004-10-24T14:06:00.000+08:00

~~Think. Thinking. Thought.~~

I'm such a b____. Perfectly suited me. Darn. F___.

Perhaps thought that you are. No no no. -slap myself-

Was I even anyone that deserve to be bothered with. B____.

[[fear]]

2004-10-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

no idea. no idea. no idea.

hate when expectation given to me. tskk. even though it is from [you]*. i just hate it. i don't know. maybe when [you]* actually said those. i was happy that [you]* do concern. yet the high expectation is what i hate. because i don't wish to disappoint anyone. i don't want to believe that i could reach this high. i don't want to disappoint myself. disappointment is what i fear. really.

i worked hard enough to achive what i really want. i don't know whether i had really achive it or not. yet. i'm happy enough to already have what i currently have.

thank for having that high expectation. sorry. i might just disappoint [you]*. i will try my best. i might not make it though.

[[>_<]]

2004-10-20T18:54:00.000+08:00

The disappointment. Or is it?

Main paper didn't disappoint you I hope. Yes. Overall maybe. I scuk. I thought I could have done better. I lost the bet..

[[freakk]]

[[yawnss]][[hopeless]]

2004-10-20T18:20:00.000+08:00

Papers all back. All hopeless. Disappointments. Tskk.

AMaths
- Finals : 61/80 [A1]
- Overall : 73.9/100 [A2]
[[Big big disappointment. Still remember what was told to me. "Your grade is not for a just pass. Not Bs. Not even A2. You understand?" What have I done. -slap myself-]]

Biology
- Finals : 66/100 [B3]
- Overall : 66/100 [B3]
[[Something that I'm rather proud of. Was always a C grade. B3. ^-^ Thankss.]]

Chemistry
- Finals : 68/100 [B3]
- Overall : 67.1/100 [B3]
[[Another proud subject. Was always C grade too. Thanks Mrs Chia. I haven't disappoint you have I? ^-^]]

Chinese
- Finals : 70.8/100 [A2]
- Overall : 72.4/100 [A2]
[[Was supposed to be A1. Disappointment. Sorry Ms Chia. >_<]]

EMaths
- Finals : 63/100 [B4]
- Overall : 62.7/100 [B4]
[[No comment]]

English
- Finals : 43/110 [F9]
- Overall : 44.5/100 [E8]
[[Please..-pray-]]

Literature
- Finals : 61/100 [B4]
- Overall : 61/100 [B4]
[[Proud proud proud. ^-^]]

Combined Humanities
- Finals : 50/100 [C6]
- Overall : 47.6 [D7]
[[Lalalalalalala..]]

Percentage : 61.9%
L1R5 : 22
Overall : 2 As, 4 Bs, 1 D & 1 E

Improved Subjects : Biology, Chemistry, EMaths & Literature
Went-down Subjects : AMaths, Chinese & Combined Humanities
No change Subjects : English
Disappointing Subjects : AMaths, Chinese & EMaths
Proud Subjects : Biology, Chemistry & Literature

This is already one of my best results. What can I do. Tskk. >_<

[[hypocrite]]

2004-10-18T17:46:00.000+08:00

Thank Daddy. That is really nice of you.

Now. I know how much I really mean to you.
Thank

If you can't sense that sarcastism. That's TOO bad.

[[-shrug-]]

2004-10-17T22:44:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I'm having moodswings lately. Perhaps I was just scared.

Things really don't matter anymore. Perhaps the numb-ness in me. Got hurt too much. It feels really numb. How much tears that had dropped. How much scars on me. How swollen eyes were. No one saw it. No one bothered it. Shut myself in the room. Nobody yet to care. What really makes people think that I'm happy. What really makes people think that I'm not troubled. What really makes people think that I need no one. What makes you people think so? Totally no idea. -shrug- -shake head- Left me alone. Like I don't need anyone. Fine. Let me go then. Bye..

[[things.could.be.just.so.bad]]
[[yet.when.come.thinking.of.you]]
[[my.heart.still.melts]]
[[i.wonder.what.is.the.power]]
[[the.power.that.makes.me.smile.even.when.depressed]]
[[how.miracle]]
[[love.you.loads]]
[[wish.to.see.you.tomorrow.my.dear]]

thefairytaleasitbeings..
please do remember. no matter how much bad comments i might hear. you always remain as the best inside. i judge you as how you treated me. not how others said. be sure that everyone might said the opposite. as long as you don't prove it right. i believe just in myself and you. alright?
ihopethatitneverends..

[[thankss]]

2004-10-17T14:37:00.000+08:00

Thanks Laura.

Miss the seniors. >_<
Jinger.
Laura.
Sookteng. [though she wishes to leave the school much]
The rest.

Thanks for being there for me. Farewell came a little bit too fast. Dears. Good bye. Remember to come back to see us okay? Miss ya loadss.

[[drained]]

2004-10-17T11:14:00.000+08:00

did you see my swollen eyes? no? nevermind..

[[droppeddowndead]]
[[justwhereareyou]]

[[hurt]]

2004-10-17T01:42:00.000+08:00

perhaps. no one ever knows how much it's hurting me right now. no one.

[[papa]]
you know how tears are dropping down in my eyes? you know though how much i held try to hold it back? yet it just came right down. how much. just how much i have been always treasuring you. yet. after managing to find your blog. i am broken down. how much how you haven't let me know. how much how i haven't been in your mind. i wonder. times really aren't good now. and papa. i thought of you. i wonder how you are doing now. i wonder whether you are taking good care of yourself now. papa papa. i wonder. i wanted to look for you so much. i thought i could get some comfort. you promised me haven't you? have you forgotten your promise papa? when everyone really left me. i thought you might just tell me that it's okay. because true friends are those who stood by you. you promised me that you are one. you promised never to leave. papa. where's your promise? haven't you remember the donut story that you had told me? have you? papa. just where had you gone to? remember how we used to sit and rot around town? remember those coffee-heart-to-heart times? i don't know. i really don't know. but daddy. are you going to come back? so much so when i needed someone really so much. daddy just where are you? i want back those time. i want back the time 1 year and few months ago. daddy. i'm selfish. so much so. i wished you were still the hurt one. so much so i wished that you are still with me. so much so. i wish i'm the only one there. i'm selfish i admit. but daddy. because you were the one who understood me most. because you were the one who read me like a book. because you were the one that reprimand the one up there for almost taking you away from me. because you were my shoulder. because you were the only one. daddy. do you still? do you? can you see the scars on me now? daddy. please don't hurt me anymore deeper. because you are the last person i can rely on. no one no more. everyone is getting away from me. daddy. come back will you? i need you badly..
[[papa]]

daddy. please..

[[perhapss]]

2004-10-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

never mind. seems to lost just everyone in my life. those used to be close. those used to comfort. those who used to laugh with. those who used to joke with. yet seems to be gone. gone to no where without bring me along. left without me. who is more to be there to give comfort. who is more to be there to laugh with. no one. not saying anything doesn't mean it is alright. as happy might some others though i am. am i? the bitter inside. like who cares. the hurts. tskkk.

i miss you perhaps. really do. don't know where you went. i will give a chase if i know. perhaps all comments might be bad. as far as i'm concern. it doesn't matter. i don't wish to argue with them though. it's useless. as long as i know you are the best. it really doesn't matter those bad comments anymore. they can badmouth about you. they can curse you as much as they like. i don't care. you mean just the best in my heart. get it?

really. do trust me. love you deep inside.

[[fly.away]]
[[bu.guan.liu.xia.duo.shao.de.lei]]
[[jian.chi.xia.qu.de.dong.li.hai.zai]]
[[nothing.i.will.be.afraid]]

[[fly.away]]
[[bu.guan.wei.lai.you.duo.kun.nan]]
[[wo.reng.ran.neng.gan.jue.xin.tiao.hai.zai]]
[[nothing.i.will.be.afraid]]

[[dead]]

2004-10-15T18:05:00.000+08:00

Though told myself that I should never allow tears to drop anymore. Yet it was hard to control. Sometimes nothing could be done. Just forcing and forcing back tears back just not to allow it to show. Told myself that I would never let tears to drop infront of anyone anymore. I held back. Held back so no one could see the tears in my eyes. Then when finally broke down. Yet, I'm to blame again.
It's like it's always my fault. Even though how much I had tried. Faults still on me. No matter how much I tried to make up. I can never. Perhaps given in just too much. It hurts me deep. How ironical it is. It was supposed to help me heal. Yet, it gave me deeper wounds. Have I not try? Chances are just never given.

I thought I've given up. I thought it no more hurts. I was wrong. I thought I could. I couldn't. It still hurts me. How heck-care attitude was given to me. My heart aches again. I lost again. Lost to fate. Lost to [you]*.

[[pleasejusttakemeaway]]
[[thesufferingspainmereallybadly]]
[[iwishyoucouldtakemewithyou]]
[[awaythisplaceofsufferings]]
[[willyou]]

[[whyy]]

2004-10-14T05:14:00.000+08:00

Seriously. Even though it was there. I won't want to know. Tskk.

Like how everything had came crashing down to me. Leaving me just right alone here and there it went. Was I supposed to comment in anything? Was I even asked? Perhaps. No one knows how heartache it was. Tskk. Nevermind. If I really don't belong. Forget it then. Not going to tag on it and refuse to release. I'm not a desperate one. I always thought perhaps this might be okay. So I came out without fully-healed and went in. Then now. Got hurt again and wound got deeper. I thought. Yet it wasn't. Left me just right there abandoned. Sat waited and waited. Though perhaps it might come true. Never. Never did it and that was the answer to me. Why so cruel I thought. Perhaps I don't belong and will never as well. Why why why. Tskk.

[[iwishyouarehere]]
[[totakemeawaytowhereyouare]]
[[tokeepmerightbyyourside]]
[[tellingmeitisalrightthatnoonecares]]
[[becauseiknowitisokayasyouarethere]]
[[takemeawaywillyou]]
[[please]]

********i.wished+++}}

2004-10-13T01:41:00.000+08:00

Like what it meant. I wished.

Was that supposed to be. I never know. It came right to me. No more know how to settle. Yet another one. Though without regret I hope. Like how it appeared. Mind just filled up isn't it clear enough? What was wanted? Really no idea. How much it really mean? Only the one up there knows. Will you?

Was looking at your photo. Just this feeling came into my mind. Don't know how to explain. Yet so miracle. Know jolly well you will never be here/there. Never mind. Tsk.

Sometimes I wished. Wished that perhaps this will come true. Sometimes I thought. Perhaps. Maybe I am just silly. It's like forever and ever. The gap is yet so big. What was I supposed to do? Nothing. You are so high up. Yet I'm only right down there looking up at you. Sometimes I wished. Wished that perhaps you might come down and take me up. Take me up there with you, forget and not bother about the large gap in between. I never know. Will it ever come true? No. Perhaps really. I wished I wished. Like it will ever be true enough. Tskkk. Forget it. -slap myself-

Will anyone bother? Will you bother? Nevermind..
I just wish to say. You really looked nice in the photo. Very. ^-^
Perhaps nothing could be done.
~~Yet, looking at you, talking to you with those pats on my head.~~
It's enough..-smile-
I won't ask for much.
I can't ask for much either.

2004-10-13T01:16:00.000+08:00

i do miss you dear.

++lala____]]

2004-10-12T19:08:00.000+08:00

Watched Resident Evil this morning. Haha. Niceee! Who the hell said it is not nice?! Even though it's so poorly ratedly. But I still believe that if you watch your own then you rate it yourself it's better. No use taking others' views because they are not you. Like Vanhelsing, The Day after Tomorrow and Resident Evil. They are all nice shows having poor rating. Yet, I still think that they are wonderful movies. ^-^ Nevermind about me. It's me!

Went Science Centre. The Chemistry demostration was really lame except for the last part of the glucose and iodide thingy. Hahaha. Nice colour. ^-^ Oh yeah! And the dry ice part also. Hahaha. Other than those. -shake head- Then went around to try out experiments. The Chemistry, Physic and Biology ones. Wahahaha. Were fun okayy. Lol. Then went in the mirror walk thingy. So cool. But we figured out a way through the walk without trouble. Wahahaha. ^-^ The whole trip was fun. Lol. Lalalalalalalalala.

Oh hey.
Happy 17th Birthday to LiYun! ^-^
All the best yeahh. And take caree.

//_____blah.blah.blah++++]]

2004-10-11T18:32:00.000+08:00

Was I not supposed to know. -laugh- Nevermind though. Lala.

Such a boredom today. Played PS2 whole afternoon. *yawns* Oh yeah. I still got 7 newspaper reports to do. Darn. -.-" After exam leh!! *yawns*
Eh eh. Holiday so tired. Oh yeah. I realised I got science centre today. *yawns* Mrs Chia!! Are you trying to get me?! Wahahaha. Fine fine. You better tell me that I pass my Chemistry I tell you. Wahahaha. ^-^ -blinks blinks-

Aiyo. My room is in a BIG mess. T.T Later later. After my rotting and slacking[which is don't know long later la]. Wahahaha. Okay fine. I'm trying to be lame..-.-"

Hey!! Lian Jinger!! I tell you huh! You better link me now and go eat your darling medicine!! Oh no no!! Wrong way. Is go pop those medicine in your mouth first then link me. Hahaha. You BETTER remember to eat your medicine regularly until you are well arh! Or..hahaha. You will miss your farewell gift!! -stick out tongue- Whee! See! I'm such a ~~nice~~ junior. Fine fine! Shhhh! Don't comment. I'm ~~nice~~ okay! Fine. I'm naggy. But you better go pop the medicine in your mouth now or I'll do it for you! Okay! =X Lol.

[[+++thanksss____*

2004-10-11T11:13:00.000+08:00

Marking day. It makes no different. Still so bored as usual. Hahaha. Rot slack and sleep. *yawns* Like when no one seems to be there.

You were. Like when no one seems to treat me as friend. You told me I'm yours.
Like when no one is there to help. You came and said "I will".
Like when heart was broken yet no one bothers. You gave advices and told me to carry on and said that world is just not that perfect.
Like when depression came and everyone went off. You gave me all your wonderful lectures.
Like when no one seems to for accompanying. You came to freak me out with some of your actions to keep me awake.

Hey Jing. You better take care of youself I tell you. Hahaha. Or careful I go your house and pop all the medicine inside your mouth huh. Hahahaha.

Though times had not been good. But I came through with your help sometimes. Sometimes when I thought I was really lonely. Scanned through all the names in my phone. Then trying to find someone for messaging. Always tried a few thinking that they will reply. Though I know. You will be the one always replying. Short but kept me accompany at least. Sometimes to sleep. Friend. I never thought of. Who will.

No matter how bad times really is. Just go on. You will get what it is long there for you. ((=

No matter what. Thank for being there. You know. It helps sometimes. Haha. And take really good care of youself. Because Os is just around the corner and stop getting sick okay! Lol.

]]]____agonyy++``

2004-10-09T19:34:00.000+08:00

Heartache. No idea why. Like everything went back to the start again. Fears and agonies. I wish I'm dead. I wish.
Lonesome. Pains. Someone just save me please. I really don't wish to be here. The pains and angonies. No one. No one knows. Tsk. Fcuk off.

I want to know. What is so important? What caused all these? Darn.
Darn. I scuk. Like what it always meant to be.

[___wheeee''~

2004-10-09T18:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was last paper. AMaths. Was nice. Hahaha. Except for that stupid Binomial question. Even though I knew it was taught before. I just got mind block. Stupid me. I'm really stupid. -slap myself- Another satisfied paper. Didn't exactly disappoint me. Hopefully the result won't.

Went Rowena's house for staying over. Went to buy some food back to cook. Then went her house and kind of mess her house up. Fetched Nicole. Played Mahjong. Cooked lunch. Ate. Then slack in the room. Read LoveHina. Fetched Qinwen with Sylverster. Played badminton. Ro went to fetch Julie. And went up her house to slack again. Played computer games. Played handphones. Played Mahjong. Ate dinner. Chicken rice was yummy!! Washed plates. Went back to play games. Watched Singapore Idol. YEAHH! Olinda got in again!! Then went back to play games. Slacked and rotted around. Bathed. Played Uno. Played Cluedo. Rowena was so BLUR!! Hahaha. Then went to sleep. Jul and me slept on the bed. Wanteng, Ro and Qinwen slept on the lower bed. Then woke up at 9++ am. Qinwen woke up and climbed to the bed and Julie was forced down the bed. Hahaha. And everyone slept again. Ro went outside to sleep. Woke up. Brushed up. Breakfast with horrible hushbrown and buttered bread. And nice nice eggie by Wanteng. Hhahah. Went in and out the room because it was so bored. Watched LXHY. So sweet and sour. Hahah. Dotss. Packed. Went Lot 1 for lunch. Ate and went home. Tired tired and tired. However. It was a fun stayed over. With alot of photos taken!! Hahaha.

Thanks for the orange juice. ^-^ Hahah. Don't worry. Cold drinks are alright for me and I'm used to acidic drinks in the morning without anything. Hahaha. Take caree. Love ya. [Don't bother telling her. She won't care. Unlike you..]

tskk. finally.

2004-10-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

8 down[9 if you include CME -stare at someone] 1 to go.

Screwed up almost all my papers except for Chinese, Chemistry and Social Studies[surprisingly]. Hopefully my AMaths too. Tskk tskk.

Life hasn't been a good one since starting. Don't know what make it a little bit better. Perhaps it does. All the coincidental, jokes and everything. Perhaps? Though I hope for better. I shall just not be so greedy. The one up there is already very lenient with me. Well. Should I say thank?

What a thing? Thought it was never going to be here anymore. Nevertheless. Well. No comment.

...

2004-10-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

Going to be such a let down again. Chinese and Chemistry are the only 2 papers that I'm slightly satisfied with. Screwed my Biology, Geography and Literature up past few days. I deserved to be shot. Tomorrow Emaths and Social Studies. Going to be another screwed up papers. Oh please. Which paper isn't? Man. -pray-

Just allow me to get back my original Emaths standard. I am asking for nothing much. Just the original standard so I will not disappoint anyone.
First thing first. Why have so much expectations on me in the first place? Why compare me with all the top results? Hate it. If it is not going to satisfy you, just slit my throat then. I'm better off dead than having to carry these stupid expectations on me and not able to reach it. Fcuk.
Just get off all the expectations on me. I scuk alright? Tskkkk.

Good bye combine humanz. Who cares. Blah blah blah..

Tskk tskk. -shake head- Guess what? So totally in love with you. -muackss- Take caree yeahh? So cuteeee.. All the bestt.

[[[[++++++++++++frustrated....||

2004-10-03T20:12:00.000+08:00

Biology Biology Biology and Biology. Who is going to save me out of this stupid darn subject? Wonder why I have not take my Brothers advices and not take Biology. Stupid me. -slap slap slap-Nevermind. What is done is done. What more? Just continue for 1 more year. And bye bye. There I go. Don't bother me with anymore Biology. Hahaha. Or. You never know. I might[which is a LOW possibility] just take up Biology as one of my courses again? Haha. Choy! That's will not happen, I hope.

Left with yet so much to deal with. Everything not yet memorise. Geography Literature and Chemistry. What am I supposed to do? Darn. Might as well just get myself killed. Better off dead.

tskk..

||++++exhausted__]]**

2004-10-03T02:03:00.000+08:00

It might feels like nothing had happened. Yet, my heart hurts. Who knows why? Either do I. No idea. If something needs to be given up. ~~I will~~.

Before a fairytale even starts..
It ended without a word..

Just did some clearing in my room. All the dusts. Worksheets. Books and everything. Backache. Tons and tons of books in my shelf. Tons and tons of TYS. Exceeding 10. What's my life? Piles of books like mountians lying on my bed. What am I? Like a robot that is made for memorising. Could I? I can't. Wish life to be a little better off. Another 1 day and 6 hours. My doom day. All gone perhaps. All the wasted studies. Forget it. Better off dead.

Take me away if you can. I don't want to stay. Tons and tons of stuffs piled on me. The buddens, stress and promises. Killing in silence. Wishes and desires to make it through. Will them come true? Just take me away. From this stressful and dreadful place. Sorry to hurt anyone. I can't cope..

*______guess.what++++\\

2004-10-02T20:47:00.000+08:00

It is definitely not good to study too much of Biology.
Haha. You see. When you study too much Biology[especially on Chapters of Nutrition and Nutrition in Mammals], it gets into your mind too much that you will be thinking about what is happening to your food when you are eating. Haha. It just happened to me just now when I was eating my dinner. So irritating can? Can't even have a proper meal. =.="" Lol. Oh well. I really wish to drop Biology man. It's really getting on my nerve. Can't get them clearly in my mind. Freakk.

\____________F.r.E.a.K++++]]

2004-10-01T18:09:00.000+08:00

WHERE IS MY BIOLOGY NOTES AND TEXTBOOK?!
Oh dear. Hopefully I could get some studying done tonight. Oh my Biology. Which kind soul on earth can get some Biology stuffs into my mind? *go searching for my Biology notes* Oh dear. I think I can't find it. Never mind. Later. Biology Biology Biology. Man. Can I drop it or something? Chemistry will do. Hahah.

*__________wootx]]

2004-09-30T22:32:00.000+08:00

Went town to study today. Haha. It was quite fun. With Wanteng. What else. Blur blur. Kind of rotting at Lido. Didn't really did much. Only a few AMaths questions. Hey! Well. Shall continue later. But I'm TIRED!! What am I supposed to do?! I supposed to be finishing studying almost everything. Oh dear. What happened?!

Sometime I jolly well know it. I don't deserve such good treatments from you guys. I mean. I didn't do anything well particularly. That was what was supposed to be done. I really don't deserve them. In fact. I had not actually put in my best to deserve those treatments. I did so much unforgiven tasks. I really don't just deserve them.

Multi-cuts. Really done nothing. Wonder if they will heal before next week. Then then then. I wonder.

*yawns* Tired. Can I sleep?
Am I permitted to sleep?
Eyes closing. -slap myself- Wake up!
AMaths needs to be done. Alot more stuffs.
No! I can't afford to sleep!!

I wish I wish I wish...
Like a fairytale..
It ends without a word..
I wonder I wonder I wonder..

What's life?

[[..freak___*//

2004-09-28T22:22:00.000+08:00

So many things had happened in the past 1 day and 22 1/2 hours. It seemed to be one whole week. It looked like I totally changed. What have been going on? Yet no one realises anything that had changes us. Just 5 more days and around 9 hours more to the major battle. No one seems to really bother though stress faces can be seen. Maybe maybe maybe. It kind of hurts to know so much things within just 1 day and 22 1/2 hours. Worst when those are my favourites. I hate it. I hate it. Why only tell me all these just 5 days and 9 hours before the major battle. Bring me down? Yes, definitely a great success. Congratulation.

Below is something I hope that it will be the last time typed. Hopefully...

[This is something that has been bothering me since before mid-year. Wanting so much to get all the unhappiness to you. Yet, we gave up. Or maybe, I gave up. So much things that had happened. Hurt me deeper and deeper. -frown- Just a little something that we really really wished to tell you so much. Stop bringing us down. Stop all the sadists. Stop all the scoldings. Stop all the heck-cares. Stop all the mood-swingings. We are your students. Not your targets for venting angers and whatever you want. I'm not asking for perfection. I'm only asking for understandings and the supposed interactions. That's fine with me if you don't want to put any effort into interacting. At least, give us some understandings. Scoldings and scoldings make no sense. Total rubbish. Everytime when you screamed at us, it only brought us down bits by bits. The first time that you really screamed at us, was during Biology practical. We were shocked. We were angry. We felt the detest in us. Yet, we chose to forgive. Or maybe again, I chose to forgive. We knew that you were bad mooding. We let that off. Then a few times when you scolded us, we tried to forgive again. Yet, the stain already there. Brought us down bits by bits. Yes, I don't deny sometimes we do deserve those scoldings. We might really be in wrong. But, could you just somehow, stop scolding and talk to us. Is the EVER once, you tried coming into the class and find out what's wrong with us? Never. Maybe just once, is really enough. But you never bothered to. Then when mid-years came back. Half of the class failed. You, somehow, managed to smile. Managed to not to show any worries. I wonder. What's wrong? Your own form class. Your own Biology class. Your own subject. Yet, you shown NOTHING. Okay. I was told, that's your character. Fine. Let that off. After holidays, no effort was made to do anything for that subject. Still, scoldings and scoldings come from you. Never yet to find out what's wrong. The silence in class. You made no approach. Like we are not related to you in any way. We felt like just one class with only 42 people. Just one class that carries on by the students, with no one leading us to unity. Thanks. We are united enough to bond. Then, somehow maybe, we realised. With or without you, it made no difference. That's about the class. Something about me now. Again and again. I had heard of negative comments on you. I defended them. Yet, I realised I was wrong. Maybe, I shouldn't even do it. I was too obsessed. Led me to blindness and saw nothing else but obsession. I never tend to understand why. Yet now, I do. Friends around me are happy. Like, I finally woke up. The words that came out from you on yesterday hurt me so much. The fact that you accused us of skipping class. The fact that you thought that we are not putting in effort. I admit. I didn't wanted to go up for class. Because I really detest Biology now. The way that you scolded us again and again. When we really put in effort, you made no effort to give any encouragement. Yet, scoldings are what we got. You asked so much from us, yet without knowing whether we can achive it or what problems we actually had. Never tried to understand us, did you? The moment you said that we are not putting enough effort, it hurt me so much. If I haven't put in enough, why do you see me being present in all Biology lessons? Why do you see me finishing all my Biology notes before lessons? Why do you see me spending my recess time finishing up TYS? Why do you see me studying Biology through out the night without sleeping? Why do you see me only absent at Friday and nothing else? These were all because I love Biology. If I didn't put in effort, you will see in absent on either Tuesday or Thursday. Why should I be present even when I'm sick? Because I didn't want to miss lessons. Why do I bother to rushing all Biology works that are not supposed to be done? Because I wished to understand better. Everything done was because I was deeply in love with Biology. Yet, you said that no effort was put in. Yet you mood-swing-ed and scolded us with your so-irrational words. I had enough. Enough to know why people are calling you Bitch. Enough to make me calling you Bitch now. Enough to bring me down and give up on Biology. Why..so much "why"s in my mind. Never understand why you always do that to us. Please stop it. Slowly, one by one will go against you. They will not go back. I will NOT go back to that blindness. Had seen enough, and endured enough. I really woke up. And saw what the truth is.]

You know who you are. Clearly stated in the "entry". I do hope that you can read it. Nevermind though. I know you can't. Doubt you will even bother. No effort was ever made by you. Normal. Usual. Who cares already anyway. We are a class of 42. A class that leads by students. A class that bonded together by the students. No more.

>_<

2004-09-27T18:55:00.000+08:00

I didn't want all these to happen. I was forced. I hate to feel this way. Do [you]* know how hurting all these are? Never. All [you] know is mood-swinging. Do [you]* ever realised the hurt we got deep down inside? No. [You]* look like [you]* are living in [your]* own world of nobody. It left me down with no choice but.. Bitch..

Thank dear. Thank for the encouragement to the class. Thank the the understanding. You are just what we are looking for. Encouragement than discouragement. Not when we tried all our best striving, yet getting scoldings and scoldings. Really thank you for the efforts spent. We appreciate it. Thank..

Wrote a letter to him. I feel really guilty. For the first time. I sensed the disappointment from him. The way that he wanted me to strive so much. Yet the result shown is horrendous. Sorry. A word that is yet so hard to say. Yet the only word I always really wish to express to you. I know I owe him really so much. I will strive. With all the hardworks. I promise. Disappointment will not be there anymore. Thank for believing in me. I'll prove you right..

||```*numbness____]]

2004-09-27T01:33:00.001+08:00

What even with the multi-cuts. Over 40+ of them. Nothing. Represent just hurt and hatred. Represent disappointment and stress. Stop blaming me if you can.

Like the old phrase by me. If nothing can stop all these. It will do the job.

Onceuponatime..

Isolation
Notwantingtospeak
Notwantingtoargue
Nothingformetospeak
Nothingformetoargue
Seekedunderstandingyetneverexist
Seekedattentionyetnonegiven
Numbedsodonttellmeyouaregivingnow
Useless
Whatshouldbegivenshouldbelonggiven
Nousetellingmeyouonlyknewitnow
Liesandmorelies
Dontneedmetoidentifythemonebutone
Dontbeignorant
Youknowwhatthisisallabout
Justgoawaywithallthese
Idontneeditanymore..

Itendedwithoutaword..

[[..Wisheduponthestars----||______Nothingcametrue++++//

[[perhapss---*||

2004-09-27T01:00:00.000+08:00

Perhaps already dead. Can't feel anymore. Numbness. Deserved just to be shot. What's the worth of existing without any purpose in this world? Tried to search and strive for what there is. Nevermind. Couldn't find. Forget it.

Lost. Searching for something that never seems to be existed. Waiting. Waiting for something that never really exist. The emptiness.

So long a time. Have been thinking. Should I or should I not. Alot have been bothering me. The stress. The promise. The responsibilities. Am not a person who can cope well with stress. To drop or not to drop. Have just no idea. To drop. Stress is lowered. Promise broken. Responsibilities pushed. Perhaps. It didn't meant to be for me. So wrong for me when I wanted it so much in the beginning. -sighs-

What doesn't belong to you. Don't pursue it so much. Don't go so much for it. It doesn't belong to you. Means it really don't. Using all means to get it. Only brings nothing but misery.

Stupid me. Once it is getting onto you. To put it down now. Is no more that easy. The factors you have to consider. Already a big large budden fallen on you. Especially for this. It's not something if you want to drop, and you can drop it.
-slap myself- Wake up and stop dreaming bitch!

))=

2004-09-25T18:11:00.000+08:00

One more week. Yet nothing done. -sighs-

Am really afraid of what it will turn out to be. So strengthless. Being tied and controlled by fate. When can I be back myself? -headache-

Sick. -groans-

[I haven't remember a day that I don't miss her]

2004-09-25T10:34:00.000+08:00

I was looking at the advertisment pasted up.
I felt betrayed.
Betrayed by you.
It was ours..

//__*stress``]]

2004-09-25T10:11:00.000+08:00

Task was given to me when you left us. The large budden that fell on me. I aimmed for the best. Aimmed for us to soar high with the one you handed the responsiblities to. The task is tough. I thought I could made it though. However, no more. I realised it isn't that easy. Yet I continued to strive. Strive for the aim you set for me. The aim I set for myself.

The guilt that is fallen on me now. The useless me. Not able to hold the post high up. Unable to do what was handed down to me. Big disappointment. Then I want you back so much now. Like how I wanted when you broke the heartbreaking news to me. I made that promise that I will bring the class on and on with him. Yet it seems really really impossible now. I lose the confident that I used to have. I failed to make it though. I really need you back to strive with us. Back to work with me. To get the class going and soaring high.

I failed to accomplise the task. I deserve to be stripped off the post. Useless bitch.

``missyou__]]

2004-09-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

All I know is that.
I treasure 3 of you. Every moment. Cute cute and more cute. Don't flare up yahh. It will be okayy. We will be okayy.

Ignorants. Blessingg?

*-----...``[[bless++bliss_______++++]]]...\

//++stupid___]]

2004-09-23T20:27:00.000+08:00

So many things that had happened. So deep in my mind. Confused. Always want to understand. Nevermind. -slap myself-

EMaths and Chinese tests. Kind of screwed. Forgot to do some questions. -pissed- Yuck. -bang head-

Really alot of things in my mind. So confused. Filled with so nonsensical stuffs. -cry- Thought of all the three precious people in my mind. Knew so much none of those thoughts will come true. Dears. Just don't brush me off. I do need you.

Nothing much. -wonderrr- Bliss? Bless?

[[.....______\\[[loveyou****+++++++++++``

2004-09-22T19:51:00.000+08:00

Screwed up. 2 favourite subjects. One by one. Scared. I'm sorry Mrs Chia. I'm sorry Mr Loh. I broke my promises. I couldn't keep it. -slap myself- I deserved all these. F.c-u.k.

[You know what. Always am waiting along. Lingering around. Loitering around. Just to wait for you. Want a simple talk. But never possible. Am too stupid. Or just fate playing again. You no more look deep inside the eyes. Maybe maybe maybe. Stupid me.]

Chinese. EMaths. Wonder if miracle happen..

Eyes like tunnel. Lost.

Maybe the one up there bless me. 2 tests to cope with. Not easy anymore. -roll eyes-

//_______++++++++++__``[stars]_............*_[wishes]``_____]*
_________________\\......``[deeplyinlove]]**__________++]]

2004-09-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

Stress.
I don't know what to do. Always so jealous. Everyone seems to have someone with them when they are sad. Sometimes I look. Who can be there for me? Those who had made promises. Had already abandoned me. Those who always tell me that they will be there for me. Gone. Came back only when they need someone as a shoulder. Then I lent them. Then. Who will be there for me. There is this big budden of stress pressing right onto me now. Yet there is nothing I could do. Crying is one of the ways to release it. It doesn't help much though. Cutting. What a thing that haven't been coming out from me. It always used to be the best way to release. Then it was forbidden. Apparently, forbidden to them. Not to me anymore. The big budden of stress. Press onto me till I really can't breath. If nothing else can do me that favour. Cutting will be resorted to the last resolution. It is the only thing. An assurance for stress-free. Don't tell me it's not right. Because again. If nothing else can. Something has to take over..

)))=

2004-09-21T19:51:00.000+08:00

Right eye has been twigging for the past 1 whole day since yesterday. What is happening? Who was trying to tell me something? What was supposed to be told? No ideaa.

Biology test was easy. Wise for me of not spending the night studying. Forget it. Biology. Going to drop it some day. It is stressing me up. Never mind. Biology is not a subject to me. I should not had taken up Biology. Shouldn't have. This choice of entering this class costed me alot. Alot. Gave me alot too. Changed me into a total different person. Gave me a chance of mixing with a total different group of people. Allowed me to go through a total diffferent kind of life. Maybe I was a wrong choice. No choice though. Making the best out of it.

[Twigging again. Then it reminded me of alot of people. Miss them so much. Yet..]

Chemistry and AMaths tomorrow. Will I do well? Both my favourite 2 subjects. Mrs Chia. I hope I'll not disappoint you again. Like what I had done in my common tests. )) = Mr Loh. I promise I will continue to strive. I will reach for what is expected from me. I will reach for what I am supposed to.

[Miss [her]*. Miss her. Miss this person..]

Thank you Mr Loh. Nice kitkat. Though I only had one bite. Haha. You and your kitkat. *laugh*

[To [you]*. As what I had said. [You]* always remain a place in my heart. I miss [you]* loads.]
[To you. Finally saw you today. So cute. Haha. Though I have no idea whether you have recovered or not. Still. Take care alright? Just remember. Everyday. There is someone who worried about you. There is always someone who wish you well. You know who cares. So take care alrightt? *huggie*]
[To this person. I really don't know what to say. You are really great. Have not been disappointing us since the start. Or at least me. Thanks dear. These might not have come out to my mouth before. But. It stays in my heart.Thanks.]

))=

2004-09-20T20:49:00.000+08:00

My right eyelid is trying to tell me something. No idea. Since 1 hour ago. Hope it's not something bad..

Stress. Mood swing. Agony. Tears.
Sorry Mrs Koh. I didn't mean to do it. I really didn't mean to. You are really so great. So great. I feel bad after what was being done. Apology. Thank you so much. Don't worry. I will be alright. I will be. Thankss.

Biology tomorrow. Don't know how to cope. Respiration. Excretion. No idea. Doubt it.

[Dearr. What happened to you? Miss you soooo muchh. Are you alrightt? Takre really good care okayy? Love ya loadss alwayss. *muackss*]

In my mind. [You]* always stand a place. A place that no one can replace. A place that always leave for [you]*. No one in this world can take it away. I'm still waiting.. Waiting for the day that [you]* could finally realised all these. Always look at [you]*. Wishing that [you]* might finally realised that I existed. Everytime, [you]* didn't bother. Nevermind I told myself. It doesn't really matter. Because I will continue to wait. It might take me forever to wait. Still. I don't mind. It might take [you]* forever to realise it too. It's all worthed.. I[heart][you]*.. Takairre.

//______[wishinguponthestars][dreamscometrue]______________*

2004-09-19T04:53:00.000+08:00

Piles and piles of books. Lying instead of me. Drained out thoughts. Closing eyes. Yawning away. Far away from completion. Nevertheless tried. Heck care. Cracked neck. Like always. Stress. Pressure. What else more. Day by day. Brain cells died-ed. Thought drained-ed away. Leaving with soul-less body. Dropped down the bed full of books/worksheets/stationary.

Done just so little. E-Maths paper. Biology paper. Half way through. A-Maths ex 11.2. Done. A-Maths misc 11. Just started not long ago. Already drained. Care no more.

[Take care dear. Don't walk so much. Not good for your condition. Rest well. Takairres. Miss ya loads.]

Bed here I come. Off I go. To lala-land. With books as pillow. Pencil box as bloster. ZzZzZzzz..

[*muackss*]

[Wishingupoenthestarss][Dreamsscometrue]____________________**

.muacks.

2004-09-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

leftwithnochoicebuttocontinueontostrive. yetiamseriouslynotdoinganythingaboutit. againandagainineglectedeverything. iknowitwasjustawasteoftimethatishouldnotdoitagain. butwhy. iamstillheredoingrubbish. ireallycannothelpitanymore. nevermind.

hey girl! really miss you here! ((: hope you are healing. you know what i mean..((; *muacks*

haha. what a nonsense up there. not as if she will read. but hey dear! you really rawks my life. thanks for appearing. maybe it might be a mistake. but never a regret. it's all me. no more. cute girl. ((;

.loveyou.

2004-09-18T19:31:00.000+08:00

Started to miss you. I know I shouldn't. I know it is totally ridiculous. I know it is all wrong. I know. Since after then. I know I shouldn't hang on. But I just can't let go. I didn't dare to tell anyone. Rubbish they will say. Everything. I just want to know one simple thing. Am I ever, a little special to you?

.wellleftwithnochoice.

2004-09-18T09:54:00.000+08:00

Off to study.

No matter how much there are. Some need to be settled and aimmed for.
A-Maths Biology Chinese Chemistry E-Maths Literature.

Leaving off with English Geography Social Studies.

That's my life.

.noidea.

2004-09-18T09:32:00.000+08:00

The school is seriously horrendous. Not that i'm a bitch or anything. The fact is who really can cope with those rubbish given to us? Rest and total slack. Homework and total stress. What are they trying to prove to us? Nothing. That's not what we want even. Are what you care about only reputations and results? None of the students' welfare? I really wonder..

Either Biology or Geography. No brain cells for both.

If anyone of you are reading, please really read! No one is going to cope with this rubbish. No one is going to cope with this crap.

We might be rubbish. But we did study. We might be nonsensical. But we still study.

Now. What more the school wants. An end to everything? Rubbish. Nonsense. We tried so hard. Yet they love to bring us down. What do you mean by for our own good? What do you mean by having to get use to it? What do you mean by all these rubbish and nonsense? Please really reflect. Does stress really do us well? Does excess stress do us well then? Endless stress. Endless expectations. Endless fears. Endless threatenings.

Stop it. Really stop it. We are not your slaves for reputations and results.

I know you did these for our own good. But. Take a really good look at us. What good has it done. Yes. Maybe results. But. Have you ever thought of? Is there a better way? Will it be better if stress and fears were lowered? Think. Perhaps. You will never know. Because you are not one of us..

Biology and Geography. Only able to take in one. If Geography is not targeted. That goes the same to Social Studies. Why bother only to study one when you need both to make up the grade? It makes completely no sense. Biology might not be my strong subject. At least, stress is reduced. Lesses fears and paranoid. It does me some welfare. But..can I?

.stressed.

2004-09-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

If this is what the school wants, then they will face the consequences. It does no good to give excess stress like putting Geography and Biology papers together in one day and expect us not to complain and to get use to the schedule. It does really no good to anyone. I promise, if anything were to go wrong, they will be the first one to regret. What is done is done, even if you tried to clear up, stain will still be there. Be a little sensible, who can do it? Even a teacher, will he/she be able to do well if this rubbish were given to you? If even a teacher can't do it, why expect a simple student like us to. Tight schedule. Busy schedule. Stress from every single thing. Who can really cope well? 6 test per week with lessons. Countless lessons per week with homeworks. Unlimited homeworks per week carrying over to the next. Stress and stress from every week. Which normal human can cope with. Forcing us to edge. Does it really do us any good? What are their only concern? Results that represent the school for being top. Reputations that show only the surface and nothing else. The amount of stress carried by each student is so unseen. They only bother to push and force. Have they ever thought of?

We are already exceeding our panic zone.. Far away from our comfort zone. Are they trying to force us there.. and then drop down. That's it..

scared.

2004-09-15T18:59:00.000+08:00

I had no idea why. This feeling is so funny. So special yet weird. Heart so confused yet sweetness tasted. Words that were spoken meant yet so much. Swimming around. All those words. Nothing but only sweetness and uneasy. Wonder.. is this fairytale? World rejected all these stuffs. Friends rejected all these stuffs. Even I used to rejected them. Now.. what's this feeling about. Bothered me just so much. I need someone to talk to. Yet you were the first in my mind. Just didn't dare to bother you. So much things circling inside. Sourness & sweetness. Contridicting isn't it? Why again? Suffered not enough? This will definitely not work out. Will it? Finally know why these used to happen. Never believed it will happen to me. Laughed at it when I happened to others. Yet, now.. I am crying at my pathetic self.

Just fond of you. No idea why. You swam around my mind.. since the moment it ended. Kept thinking whether this is true. Do you feel the same? Do you? Or is it one-sided again?

Afraid. Fears. Scare.

Is my doing right? Is everything right?

Hate to fall in hole that dug by myself again..

>_<

2004-09-11T21:05:00.000+08:00

sodrained..
yetfun..
sopain..
yetinteresting..
thankss..
everythingfeelssowelltoday..
feelssogood..
thankss..
tiredpaindrain..
hahaha..
imiss[you]*//

flagg-dayyy

2004-09-11T20:38:00.000+08:00

today got flag dayy.
hahah.
was actually quite not willing to do one..
cause it felt totally stupid at first..
but okay la..
suddenly felt the satisfaction while doing..
so was so excitedd.
we went walking around orchard..
then walked down to ps for breakfast..
met qinwen..
then walked around the area..
see so many people snatching our place liao..
then went to cityhall..
walked around..
haha.
went to suntec tower..
saw this guy with the bag also..
went to talk to him..
haha.
then went around asking..
finally settled down..
people over there so geneous one..
haha.
5 bucks 2 bucks donate one..
hahaa.
then did for a few hours..
the security said not to do it.
went to find nicole and the rest..
did for a little while with them..
went back to the collection counter..
stupid can..
so long quene..
so we went back ps to eat lunch..
hahah.
then went back to return the bag..
no one there can..
hahaha.
then that yitian so blur..
forgot to sign out..-.-
nvm about it..
then went around..
went to the bus-stop..
then later saw my partner and xiaojie..
haha.
took 171 home..
slept..
so tired..
ankle and knee pain also..
so stupidd..
went home.
so tireddd.
feel like sleeping now..
ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz..

shiver

2004-09-10T18:59:00.000+08:00

iamscared
afraidofjustnothing
lifewhatislife
alwaysmademesoscaredsoinfear
ihopesomeonecouldsaveme
ireallycantsurviveanymore
[you]*
will[you]*savemefromallthisfears
will[you]*bebymysidewhenineedsomeonethere
will[you]*
alwayssoinlovewith[you]*

[Fr0z3n]

[[ermm]]

[[yawnss]]

[[whatever]]

[[so.chlorine-y]]

[[yawns]]

[[well]]

[[tskk]]

[[sniff]]

[[ohwell]]

[[requirements]]

[[blahh]]

[[dead]]

[[haixx]]

[[scared]]

[[i.wished]]

[[fear]]

[[>_<]]

[[yawnss]][[hopeless]]

[[hypocrite]]

[[-shrug-]]

[[thankss]]

[[drained]]

[[hurt]]

[[perhapss]]

[[dead]]

[[whyy]]

********i.wished+++}}

++lala____]]

//_____blah.blah.blah++++]]

[[+++thanksss____*

]]]____agonyy++``

[___wheeee''~

tskk. finally.

...

[[[[++++++++++++frustrated....||

||++++exhausted__]]**

*______guess.what++++\\

\____________F.r.E.a.K++++]]

*__________wootx]]

[[..freak___*//

>_<

||```*numbness____]]

[[perhapss---*||

))=

//__*stress``]]

``missyou__]]

//++stupid___]]

)))=

))=

.muacks.

.loveyou.

.wellleftwithnochoice.

.noidea.

.stressed.

scared.

>_<

flagg-dayyy

*shiver*

shiver